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Ever wondered what goes on in her mind?
My name is Alethea.
I am 14 years old
I have this delusional thing that my name is the best name in the world, but that's just my subconciousness trying to grasp some part of myself that is not self loathing.
I have almost non existent self esteem. Even though I play 3 instruments (well, lets just leave it at 3) and I am supposedly I am a gymnast (I think I am too fail to be under that title), I'm under the impression I am bad at everything. (Which I am!)
I have a very obsessive nature. I am also quite unpredictable and unreliable and I'm scared of being social.
On of my special talents is yodelling.
That's how weird I am of course.
I like talking using words with more that 3 syllables to make it sound as if I am speaking a language other than English, even though that's the only language I speak. I'm a disgrace to Asians apparently because I cannot speak the language in which my complexion screams out otherwise.
I am obsessed with big words and psychological disorders and paradoxes of all kinds.
I have survived through a 7.1 magnitude earthquake and numerous aftershocks, and been to 7 different schools in my life. (And 5 gym clubs and I don't even want to start counting the teachers.)
I fear I am a pessimist.
Sometimes I am a grammar freak too.
This blog is to help other understand what goes on in my head.
Good luck with that!
★ profile★
ramblings of a teenage girl
My name is Alethea.
I am 14 years old
I have this delusional thing that my name is the best name in the world, but that's just my subconciousness trying to grasp some part of myself that is not self loathing.
I have almost non existent self esteem. Even though I play 3 instruments (well, lets just leave it at 3) and I am supposedly I am a gymnast (I think I am too fail to be under that title), I'm under the impression I am bad at everything. (Which I am!)
I have a very obsessive nature. I am also quite unpredictable and unreliable and I'm scared of being social.
On of my special talents is yodelling.
That's how weird I am of course.
I like talking using words with more that 3 syllables to make it sound as if I am speaking a language other than English, even though that's the only language I speak. I'm a disgrace to Asians apparently because I cannot speak the language in which my complexion screams out otherwise.
I am obsessed with big words and psychological disorders and paradoxes of all kinds.
I have survived through a 7.1 magnitude earthquake and numerous aftershocks, and been to 7 different schools in my life. (And 5 gym clubs and I don't even want to start counting the teachers.)
I fear I am a pessimist.
Sometimes I am a grammar freak too.
This blog is to help other understand what goes on in my head.
Good luck with that!
"You're crazy!"
"I know!"
Something you should know about me, I, like most girls have absolutely no self confidence when it comes to my body. You should know I hate change, and I hate my body, and I hate body change.
I have CONSIDERED throwing up on purpose.
I have starved myself and all sorts of stupid stuff that doesn't work.
I binge so bad it's not funny.
I can eat a whole loaf of bread, toasted, 2 slices at a time, in one go.
I can eat the entire batch of cookies my mother bakes.
I should just stop eating all together.
Yea, yea, don't go on about metabolic rates and that, because I can't keep that up.
I don't drink water, because I don't like the taste?
Sad excuse right?
I worry so much about what people think of me,
I will lie in bed at night and rethink what I could said or done over and over.
Over and over.
Lie in bed and rethink that look that I recieved from that girl.
And wonder what it meant.
And wonder how I looked like compared to her.
Sometimes I tell myself that I should be grateful that I even have legs at all,
be grateful that I have legs that work.
But I want more,
or less,
I want legs that are nothing more than skin and bone,
I want a face that no one will remember,
for it will be so normal,
that no one will notice.
And not just pretend not to notice on purpose.
I want a voice that is not cranky and annoying and oriental,
I want to be able to give love,
And not just petty sarcasm.
I want not to want anymore.
I want closure.
I need closure.
I want my brain to shut up.
For some reason, my mind sees confidence in the needs and wants,
but I know it won't stop.
Until death,
lovely death.
Closure.
"I know!"
★ Confidence and Closure. ★
Friday, July 15, 2011 ( 10:01 PM )
Something you should know about me, I, like most girls have absolutely no self confidence when it comes to my body. You should know I hate change, and I hate my body, and I hate body change.
I have CONSIDERED throwing up on purpose.
I have starved myself and all sorts of stupid stuff that doesn't work.
I binge so bad it's not funny.
I can eat a whole loaf of bread, toasted, 2 slices at a time, in one go.
I can eat the entire batch of cookies my mother bakes.
I should just stop eating all together.
Yea, yea, don't go on about metabolic rates and that, because I can't keep that up.
I don't drink water, because I don't like the taste?
Sad excuse right?
I worry so much about what people think of me,
I will lie in bed at night and rethink what I could said or done over and over.
Over and over.
Lie in bed and rethink that look that I recieved from that girl.
And wonder what it meant.
And wonder how I looked like compared to her.
Sometimes I tell myself that I should be grateful that I even have legs at all,
be grateful that I have legs that work.
But I want more,
or less,
I want legs that are nothing more than skin and bone,
I want a face that no one will remember,
for it will be so normal,
that no one will notice.
And not just pretend not to notice on purpose.
I want a voice that is not cranky and annoying and oriental,
I want to be able to give love,
And not just petty sarcasm.
I want not to want anymore.
I want closure.
I need closure.
I want my brain to shut up.
For some reason, my mind sees confidence in the needs and wants,
but I know it won't stop.
Until death,
lovely death.
Closure.
We all have times where we say stuff we didn't really mean
I just have more of these times than the average person!
I just have more of these times than the average person!
★ tagboard ★
i think they call it freedom of speech
If I dwelled on the fact weirdness was a bad thing
I'd probably be dead by now.
Eeiyn Natasha's Fantabulous Blog
My Miniscule Book Blog
Nicole's Spectacular Blog
Maxine's Magnificent Blog
Sapphire's Snaffalicious Blog
Sarah's So Awesome Blog
December 2010
April 2011
May 2011
June 2011
July 2011
August 2011
September 2011
October 2011
November 2011
December 2011
January 2012
March 2012
designer DancingSheep
I'd probably be dead by now.
★ links ★
ctrl + left click
Eeiyn Natasha's Fantabulous Blog
My Miniscule Book Blog
Nicole's Spectacular Blog
Maxine's Magnificent Blog
Sapphire's Snaffalicious Blog
Sarah's So Awesome Blog
★ archives ★
watch me waste my life away
December 2010
April 2011
May 2011
June 2011
July 2011
August 2011
September 2011
October 2011
November 2011
December 2011
January 2012
March 2012
★ credits ★
designer DancingSheep
My life's goal
Is to be spontaneous because that's the way I roll
★ SAPPHIRE! ★
★ KENDALL! ★
★ MAXINE! ★
★ DANIELLE! ★
★ CHARLOTTE! ★
★ CAITLIN! ★
★ LAUREN! ★
★ ERIN! ★
★ EEIYN! ★
★ NICOLE! ★
Is to be spontaneous because that's the way I roll
★ SHOUTOUTS ★
even if I don't say ♥ that often
★ SAPPHIRE! ★
★ KENDALL! ★
★ MAXINE! ★
★ DANIELLE! ★
★ CHARLOTTE! ★
★ CAITLIN! ★
★ LAUREN! ★
★ ERIN! ★
★ EEIYN! ★
★ NICOLE! ★