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Ever wondered what goes on in her mind?
My name is Alethea.
I am 14 years old
I have this delusional thing that my name is the best name in the world, but that's just my subconciousness trying to grasp some part of myself that is not self loathing.
I have almost non existent self esteem. Even though I play 3 instruments (well, lets just leave it at 3) and I am supposedly I am a gymnast (I think I am too fail to be under that title), I'm under the impression I am bad at everything. (Which I am!)
I have a very obsessive nature. I am also quite unpredictable and unreliable and I'm scared of being social.
On of my special talents is yodelling.
That's how weird I am of course.
I like talking using words with more that 3 syllables to make it sound as if I am speaking a language other than English, even though that's the only language I speak. I'm a disgrace to Asians apparently because I cannot speak the language in which my complexion screams out otherwise.
I am obsessed with big words and psychological disorders and paradoxes of all kinds.
I have survived through a 7.1 magnitude earthquake and numerous aftershocks, and been to 7 different schools in my life. (And 5 gym clubs and I don't even want to start counting the teachers.)
I fear I am a pessimist.
Sometimes I am a grammar freak too.
This blog is to help other understand what goes on in my head.
Good luck with that!
★ profile★
ramblings of a teenage girl
My name is Alethea.
I am 14 years old
I have this delusional thing that my name is the best name in the world, but that's just my subconciousness trying to grasp some part of myself that is not self loathing.
I have almost non existent self esteem. Even though I play 3 instruments (well, lets just leave it at 3) and I am supposedly I am a gymnast (I think I am too fail to be under that title), I'm under the impression I am bad at everything. (Which I am!)
I have a very obsessive nature. I am also quite unpredictable and unreliable and I'm scared of being social.
On of my special talents is yodelling.
That's how weird I am of course.
I like talking using words with more that 3 syllables to make it sound as if I am speaking a language other than English, even though that's the only language I speak. I'm a disgrace to Asians apparently because I cannot speak the language in which my complexion screams out otherwise.
I am obsessed with big words and psychological disorders and paradoxes of all kinds.
I have survived through a 7.1 magnitude earthquake and numerous aftershocks, and been to 7 different schools in my life. (And 5 gym clubs and I don't even want to start counting the teachers.)
I fear I am a pessimist.
Sometimes I am a grammar freak too.
This blog is to help other understand what goes on in my head.
Good luck with that!
"You're crazy!"
"I know!"
It's what I lack. Everything I do, stops, starts, fluctuates, gets better, or gets worse in no particular order...
I had a coach once who hollered across the gym "YOU ARE ONLY CONSISTENT AT BEING INCONSISTENT!"
Why he did not yell at me, I am always intrigued by. I am not consistent, what is good one day is not going to be good the next. Perhaps that is a good thing, the unpredictability, it must save from disappointment, and also from overall expected joviality.
If there's never an expectation, there's never a chance to fail.
If there's never an expectation, there's never the need to exceed it.
If there's never an expectation, there's never a need at all.
The paradox continues.
I have expectations and goals really, but my subconsciousness nurtures them away from my worrisome mind, in the fear that if I speak of them, they may become cursed, or vanish in the presence of reality. The trouble is, I still feel disappointed when I don't achieve these make believe goals, great disappointment for something I wasn't even expected to do, yet when the goal is accomplished, little happiness is felt.
I don't see well in the achievement, yet the failure to do so can become a matter of life and death.
My mood fluctuates greatly as well.
The cycle is as follows...
1. Be really happy and exuberant, this is mostly caused because of excessive sugar
2. Do something really stupid in a manic moment
3. Be really depressed and caught up in regret
4. Get more sugar
I can be freakishly happy and optimistic one day and then self harming the next.
Do I have bipolar?
Manic-depression right?
Help!
Most people have mood swings, but not so far off the median, my mood swings wildly from one side of the happy continuum to the other side, suicidal.
I'm just not a consistent person.
I'm unreliable, untrustworthy...
This is coming from myself, I can't even trust myself sometimes.
Man this sucks.
Guess I'll just have to put up with being consistent at being inconsistent.
:P
"I know!"
★ Consistency. ★
Thursday, July 21, 2011 ( 10:13 PM )
It's what I lack. Everything I do, stops, starts, fluctuates, gets better, or gets worse in no particular order...
I had a coach once who hollered across the gym "YOU ARE ONLY CONSISTENT AT BEING INCONSISTENT!"
Why he did not yell at me, I am always intrigued by. I am not consistent, what is good one day is not going to be good the next. Perhaps that is a good thing, the unpredictability, it must save from disappointment, and also from overall expected joviality.
If there's never an expectation, there's never a chance to fail.
If there's never an expectation, there's never the need to exceed it.
If there's never an expectation, there's never a need at all.
The paradox continues.
I have expectations and goals really, but my subconsciousness nurtures them away from my worrisome mind, in the fear that if I speak of them, they may become cursed, or vanish in the presence of reality. The trouble is, I still feel disappointed when I don't achieve these make believe goals, great disappointment for something I wasn't even expected to do, yet when the goal is accomplished, little happiness is felt.
I don't see well in the achievement, yet the failure to do so can become a matter of life and death.
My mood fluctuates greatly as well.
The cycle is as follows...
1. Be really happy and exuberant, this is mostly caused because of excessive sugar
2. Do something really stupid in a manic moment
3. Be really depressed and caught up in regret
4. Get more sugar
I can be freakishly happy and optimistic one day and then self harming the next.
Do I have bipolar?
Manic-depression right?
Help!
Most people have mood swings, but not so far off the median, my mood swings wildly from one side of the happy continuum to the other side, suicidal.
I'm just not a consistent person.
I'm unreliable, untrustworthy...
This is coming from myself, I can't even trust myself sometimes.
Man this sucks.
Guess I'll just have to put up with being consistent at being inconsistent.
:P
We all have times where we say stuff we didn't really mean
I just have more of these times than the average person!
I just have more of these times than the average person!
★ tagboard ★
i think they call it freedom of speech
If I dwelled on the fact weirdness was a bad thing
I'd probably be dead by now.
Eeiyn Natasha's Fantabulous Blog
My Miniscule Book Blog
Nicole's Spectacular Blog
Maxine's Magnificent Blog
Sapphire's Snaffalicious Blog
Sarah's So Awesome Blog
December 2010
April 2011
May 2011
June 2011
July 2011
August 2011
September 2011
October 2011
November 2011
December 2011
January 2012
March 2012
designer DancingSheep
I'd probably be dead by now.
★ links ★
ctrl + left click
Eeiyn Natasha's Fantabulous Blog
My Miniscule Book Blog
Nicole's Spectacular Blog
Maxine's Magnificent Blog
Sapphire's Snaffalicious Blog
Sarah's So Awesome Blog
★ archives ★
watch me waste my life away
December 2010
April 2011
May 2011
June 2011
July 2011
August 2011
September 2011
October 2011
November 2011
December 2011
January 2012
March 2012
★ credits ★
designer DancingSheep
My life's goal
Is to be spontaneous because that's the way I roll
★ SAPPHIRE! ★
★ KENDALL! ★
★ MAXINE! ★
★ DANIELLE! ★
★ CHARLOTTE! ★
★ CAITLIN! ★
★ LAUREN! ★
★ ERIN! ★
★ EEIYN! ★
★ NICOLE! ★
Is to be spontaneous because that's the way I roll
★ SHOUTOUTS ★
even if I don't say ♥ that often
★ SAPPHIRE! ★
★ KENDALL! ★
★ MAXINE! ★
★ DANIELLE! ★
★ CHARLOTTE! ★
★ CAITLIN! ★
★ LAUREN! ★
★ ERIN! ★
★ EEIYN! ★
★ NICOLE! ★