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Ever wondered what goes on in her mind?
My name is Alethea.
I am 14 years old
I have this delusional thing that my name is the best name in the world, but that's just my subconciousness trying to grasp some part of myself that is not self loathing.
I have almost non existent self esteem. Even though I play 3 instruments (well, lets just leave it at 3) and I am supposedly I am a gymnast (I think I am too fail to be under that title), I'm under the impression I am bad at everything. (Which I am!)
I have a very obsessive nature. I am also quite unpredictable and unreliable and I'm scared of being social.
On of my special talents is yodelling.
That's how weird I am of course.
I like talking using words with more that 3 syllables to make it sound as if I am speaking a language other than English, even though that's the only language I speak. I'm a disgrace to Asians apparently because I cannot speak the language in which my complexion screams out otherwise.
I am obsessed with big words and psychological disorders and paradoxes of all kinds.
I have survived through a 7.1 magnitude earthquake and numerous aftershocks, and been to 7 different schools in my life. (And 5 gym clubs and I don't even want to start counting the teachers.)
I fear I am a pessimist.
Sometimes I am a grammar freak too.
This blog is to help other understand what goes on in my head.
Good luck with that!
★ profile★
ramblings of a teenage girl
My name is Alethea.
I am 14 years old
I have this delusional thing that my name is the best name in the world, but that's just my subconciousness trying to grasp some part of myself that is not self loathing.
I have almost non existent self esteem. Even though I play 3 instruments (well, lets just leave it at 3) and I am supposedly I am a gymnast (I think I am too fail to be under that title), I'm under the impression I am bad at everything. (Which I am!)
I have a very obsessive nature. I am also quite unpredictable and unreliable and I'm scared of being social.
On of my special talents is yodelling.
That's how weird I am of course.
I like talking using words with more that 3 syllables to make it sound as if I am speaking a language other than English, even though that's the only language I speak. I'm a disgrace to Asians apparently because I cannot speak the language in which my complexion screams out otherwise.
I am obsessed with big words and psychological disorders and paradoxes of all kinds.
I have survived through a 7.1 magnitude earthquake and numerous aftershocks, and been to 7 different schools in my life. (And 5 gym clubs and I don't even want to start counting the teachers.)
I fear I am a pessimist.
Sometimes I am a grammar freak too.
This blog is to help other understand what goes on in my head.
Good luck with that!
"You're crazy!"
"I know!"
Yes Rosy, you are absolutely correct.
Everything I speak radiates negativity.
I have to. Reverse psychology remember?
I'm afraid to speak the truth in it's truth.
You know, when I grew up, where I grew up, the tantalisingly precious first 6 years of my life, was hell. Corporal punishment in South East Asia, most parts of Asia, still exists. My mother didn't tell me I was perfect. She didn't tell me that she loved me. I can't remember any of that anyway. She told me she wanted to beat me until I was striped like a zebra.
Those words were charred into my 4 year old self.
I wasn't the best.
I wasn't good.
I wasn't worth it.
I say that I'm fat, and she tells me that I am, and I should stop eating so much.
I try and make music, and she says that it's crap.
I try, and she asks why I can't do better.
My words are a mirror of hers. And she is the ultimate. If I'm more negative than anyone else, then no one else can hurt me more. And yet they still do. I can't let my walls down anymore. I learnt my lesson.
I don't know if I'm too sensitive, but judgement is something that we couldn't get by without.
And so if I am the judge, no mark can be drawn blacker.
You can't say that it's okay, that second best is okay, that being crap is okay.
I won't do anything about it,
But maybe it won't hurt so much.
Break yourself so no one can break you further.
I just have to remember that my ultimate prize,
will be death.
"I know!"
★ "Everything that comes out of your mouth is negative" ★
Monday, July 25, 2011 ( 5:29 PM )
Yes Rosy, you are absolutely correct.
Everything I speak radiates negativity.
I have to. Reverse psychology remember?
I'm afraid to speak the truth in it's truth.
You know, when I grew up, where I grew up, the tantalisingly precious first 6 years of my life, was hell. Corporal punishment in South East Asia, most parts of Asia, still exists. My mother didn't tell me I was perfect. She didn't tell me that she loved me. I can't remember any of that anyway. She told me she wanted to beat me until I was striped like a zebra.
Those words were charred into my 4 year old self.
I wasn't the best.
I wasn't good.
I wasn't worth it.
I say that I'm fat, and she tells me that I am, and I should stop eating so much.
I try and make music, and she says that it's crap.
I try, and she asks why I can't do better.
My words are a mirror of hers. And she is the ultimate. If I'm more negative than anyone else, then no one else can hurt me more. And yet they still do. I can't let my walls down anymore. I learnt my lesson.
I don't know if I'm too sensitive, but judgement is something that we couldn't get by without.
And so if I am the judge, no mark can be drawn blacker.
You can't say that it's okay, that second best is okay, that being crap is okay.
I won't do anything about it,
But maybe it won't hurt so much.
Break yourself so no one can break you further.
I just have to remember that my ultimate prize,
will be death.
We all have times where we say stuff we didn't really mean
I just have more of these times than the average person!
I just have more of these times than the average person!
★ tagboard ★
i think they call it freedom of speech
If I dwelled on the fact weirdness was a bad thing
I'd probably be dead by now.
Eeiyn Natasha's Fantabulous Blog
My Miniscule Book Blog
Nicole's Spectacular Blog
Maxine's Magnificent Blog
Sapphire's Snaffalicious Blog
Sarah's So Awesome Blog
December 2010
April 2011
May 2011
June 2011
July 2011
August 2011
September 2011
October 2011
November 2011
December 2011
January 2012
March 2012
designer DancingSheep
I'd probably be dead by now.
★ links ★
ctrl + left click
Eeiyn Natasha's Fantabulous Blog
My Miniscule Book Blog
Nicole's Spectacular Blog
Maxine's Magnificent Blog
Sapphire's Snaffalicious Blog
Sarah's So Awesome Blog
★ archives ★
watch me waste my life away
December 2010
April 2011
May 2011
June 2011
July 2011
August 2011
September 2011
October 2011
November 2011
December 2011
January 2012
March 2012
★ credits ★
designer DancingSheep
My life's goal
Is to be spontaneous because that's the way I roll
★ SAPPHIRE! ★
★ KENDALL! ★
★ MAXINE! ★
★ DANIELLE! ★
★ CHARLOTTE! ★
★ CAITLIN! ★
★ LAUREN! ★
★ ERIN! ★
★ EEIYN! ★
★ NICOLE! ★
Is to be spontaneous because that's the way I roll
★ SHOUTOUTS ★
even if I don't say ♥ that often
★ SAPPHIRE! ★
★ KENDALL! ★
★ MAXINE! ★
★ DANIELLE! ★
★ CHARLOTTE! ★
★ CAITLIN! ★
★ LAUREN! ★
★ ERIN! ★
★ EEIYN! ★
★ NICOLE! ★