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"You're crazy!"
"I know!"

★ No Running, No Jumping, No High impact Activity... ★

Wednesday, August 31, 2011 ( 9:55 PM )

I'm just going to recite this phrase a couple of times on my blog so that I don't forget.
No Running, No Jumping, No High Impact Activity.
No Running, No Jumping, No High Impact Activity.
No Running, No Jumping, No High Impact Activity.
I don't understand, why, my foot is so retarded. I don't feel a great deal of pain, so I'm not sure how reliable this pain guage thing is. I'm not sure if I've just trained myself to ignore the pain, or what, because only if I really think about, yea, I feel some pain, but it's not crippling, and it's not delayed, it's just...there. I mean, it's not like I have some sort of creepy high pain tolerance thing (well, I don't think so), it just doesn't hurt..much.

I'm not sure how to explain it. I don't even see it as "pain" really. I know it's there. I know something is wrong with it, but it isn't really "painful". It's just a niggling thing. I makes it's self known, after all, pain is just in the mind. But I know, it is no where near as painful as it was on the 30th of July, it's nothing even compared to 2 weeks ago. But I can't do anything. And it is frustrating to see everything waste away. It's over. Or is it really?

Maybe ths is what I've been fretting about all this time. This is the cause of the unwanted, snakes writhing in my stomach. This is the stem of dread which planted itself, unbeknownst to me. Wow those were cool metaphors. But perhaps I am misinterpreting the pain? I have no idea.
I don't even know what pain is. Until I remind myself of course -it's like I'm not...ME. I'm blank. I'm a shell. I'm on autopilot. That's how it feels like okay? It's not for anyone, it's not to be 'popular' because if you really know me, you'd know I no longer give a shit.

Digressing...I do have a slight addiction to exersice. But it's ever so slight, I couldn't possibly call it an addiction. I just have to keep moving, keep doing something. Being cold helps burn calories! Not sure where that came from. But there's that weird feeling, when enough is never enough...sometimes I don't have limits, or maybe forget I possess them.

I'm so confused. I end so many of my posts with confusion these days. I'm getting no where. And time is slipping through my fingers...too much ABBA/Mamma Mia.

Ah Well.