Halfway

c r a Z Y

"You're crazy!"
"I know!"

★ Scintillating. ★

Thursday, August 25, 2011 ( 9:27 PM )

Shining or Sparkling. Radiating Brilliance. Gifted or Excitingly Clever.

I love this word. It's sharp on the tongue. It looks weird. It's eccentric. It doesn't contain any 'e's making it unusual and uncommon. It's what I see as a tall word. Words that have many 'tall' letters like 'l' and 't' and 'i'. It's mildly symmetrical. The 'y' hands over the edge/bottom whereas the 'S' at the beginning hangs over the top, so if you turned it upside down it would have a similar shape.
See how I analyse things?
This is just one word that made itself present in 2 different novels I read in a short period of time. Now imagine analysing everyone that looks weird. Or interesting. Or comes up in places you'd never think it'd belong. Now imagine analysing every font, every space, every punctuation mark.

The fact that I read so fast and analyse so many things at once is quite amazing. I can't just leave things be. Reading is actually an exhausting task for me. I don;t just absorb the story. There's way more to it that just the storyline. That's why I have to often reread books a couple of times to finish analysing things the whole way. I observe the way the chapters are laid out, the shape of the book, the cover, the wear and tear (if it's a library book), whether the page numbers at in the middle or the corner or at the top or bottom, I observe if the author's name is largely featured on the cover or if it is printed small for no one to see. I observe if the blurb is on the back or on the inside cover. I observe how long the publishing credits are. I observe who the book is dedicated to. Books are so interesting!

But it's not just books I analyse. It's everything. It's life. It's everything that could go wrong, not everything that could go right. I'm getting the "You're so negative!" talk again. But I can't help it! I really just automatically see everything bad. I see mistakes. I criticise on autopilot. There are no rose tinted glasses for me. Everything is more black and white. And anything vaguely grey is counted as black.

Think about drawing a black dot on a blank piece of paper. What would you see? Just black dot right? So now imagine that black dot is one mistake. People are only going to see your flaws. That's what they taught me in primary school. And I commented that my piece of paper would be more like a black piece of paper with occasional white splotches.
In this context, I see my life as a stack of paper. Every time I move, I get a new chance to start over. I get a new piece of paper to put over the top. And over time, I add my own black dots, with a pen that goes through all the pages that have been there before. And slowly, over time, the piece of paper disintegrates. People near me rip it to shreds, and you see everything, and all that is left is a black piece of paper, covered with little black dots. My job is to try and laminate that blank piece of paper before it disappears, so no one will ever know what's underneath.

I'm not doing a very good job.

Anyway, see how I put things into a completely unrelated situations?!
One of my favourite models to use is the tree.
But I'll cover it next time.
We are digressing from the topic, although the topic never really has anything to do with it.
I'm not sure how that works though!
Now I'm confused.
More on Tree models in the near future.
Stick around for more action!