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Ever wondered what goes on in her mind?
My name is Alethea.
I am 14 years old
I have this delusional thing that my name is the best name in the world, but that's just my subconciousness trying to grasp some part of myself that is not self loathing.
I have almost non existent self esteem. Even though I play 3 instruments (well, lets just leave it at 3) and I am supposedly I am a gymnast (I think I am too fail to be under that title), I'm under the impression I am bad at everything. (Which I am!)
I have a very obsessive nature. I am also quite unpredictable and unreliable and I'm scared of being social.
On of my special talents is yodelling.
That's how weird I am of course.
I like talking using words with more that 3 syllables to make it sound as if I am speaking a language other than English, even though that's the only language I speak. I'm a disgrace to Asians apparently because I cannot speak the language in which my complexion screams out otherwise.
I am obsessed with big words and psychological disorders and paradoxes of all kinds.
I have survived through a 7.1 magnitude earthquake and numerous aftershocks, and been to 7 different schools in my life. (And 5 gym clubs and I don't even want to start counting the teachers.)
I fear I am a pessimist.
Sometimes I am a grammar freak too.
This blog is to help other understand what goes on in my head.
Good luck with that!
★ profile★
ramblings of a teenage girl
My name is Alethea.
I am 14 years old
I have this delusional thing that my name is the best name in the world, but that's just my subconciousness trying to grasp some part of myself that is not self loathing.
I have almost non existent self esteem. Even though I play 3 instruments (well, lets just leave it at 3) and I am supposedly I am a gymnast (I think I am too fail to be under that title), I'm under the impression I am bad at everything. (Which I am!)
I have a very obsessive nature. I am also quite unpredictable and unreliable and I'm scared of being social.
On of my special talents is yodelling.
That's how weird I am of course.
I like talking using words with more that 3 syllables to make it sound as if I am speaking a language other than English, even though that's the only language I speak. I'm a disgrace to Asians apparently because I cannot speak the language in which my complexion screams out otherwise.
I am obsessed with big words and psychological disorders and paradoxes of all kinds.
I have survived through a 7.1 magnitude earthquake and numerous aftershocks, and been to 7 different schools in my life. (And 5 gym clubs and I don't even want to start counting the teachers.)
I fear I am a pessimist.
Sometimes I am a grammar freak too.
This blog is to help other understand what goes on in my head.
Good luck with that!
"You're crazy!"
"I know!"
Today has been a day of all sorts!
First of all, I'm going to (maybe too soon) say that I am putting away the philosophical thinking for a while and heading into 'recount' blogging.
Well, I had a weird day. Lots of contributing factors.
It kinda started last night, when my mum told me not to play Lady Gaga music (I was playing Katy Perry at FULL BLAST!) 'cos apparently she is The Devil (according to some BS forward she got). I don't know and I don't believe it, it sounds like some sort of religious cult to me (from looking at the email), but I couldn't stop thinking about it. Plus, when I got into bed, it was freezing which meant it was hard to get to bed. So when I finally did, I had the weirdest dream. I rarely ever dream, but when I do, it's very bright and lucid and extravagant.
Here's what happened...I dreamt that I was in the secret service along with my partner who in real life (and in the dream) is a five year old guy with aspergers, so a crazy, fun-loving Asian kid with no boundaries. Anyway, we were told to ransack a car yard, but we ended up hijacking this really flash black BMW which seemed to have between 2-5 seats in the dream (I couldn't tell, it must not have been important). For some reason, I let the 5 year old drive, and even though we made it to the destination in one piece, I even found safety goggles in the back to stop broken glass from killing our eyes. Anyway, he drove us to this massive building, which was a warehouse type looking thing on the whole, but the one side we drove to was pastel yellow, with plaster stipple, and it had two doors in the middle. It was HUGE! With measly doors which were very out of place. We headed for the one on the right, but then the other door (which was identical) burst open and my friend Saasha and her mum told us to get inside because their door had extra security precautions. Once I got inside, I had this feeling I'd seen the place before, like in another dream maybe, it was really intense. It had lots of black stained metal, which was twisted into intricate shapes and a waterfall on the outside with moss and a mini garden, like in those Japan documentaries you see on TV. Anyway, next thing you know I was lying in bed, It felt like I was in my own bed, in my own room with a different surrounding, because I could feel all my sister in the same places. In my dream, I had a dream that my coach was on the news for saving some environmental species. It was strange, because the pictures I saw on TV would turn up later on in my dream. Suddenly, I felt cold fingernails in my neck and someone poking me in the ribs, but I also got that um smell? That someone I knew was there, and then what do you know it was my old awesome gym coach, Anna! She gave me a hug, and I hugged her back, it was a very vivid moment in the dream that she was over my bed and hugging me...at that point I could sorta feel my old gym mates were around my bed, sleeping, like it was a slumber party or something. Then Anna quickly pulled away, told me she was going trekking with her husband and walked out the door, which was identical to my room door except that it was made of the weird intricately twisted black metal, (like those decoration gates you get in Singapore). Feeling rejected, I jumped out of bed, presumably onto one of my gym friends, but once I touched them, they sort of faded out of the dream. I followed Anna through the gate and when I got out, I was in my Auntie's house in Singapore. I asked her if she'd seen my coach but she said no, so I turned around and caught sight of the TV, which was replaying the same 'enviromental' images. So I remembered that she was going trekking and then as I walked closer to the TV, the images started merging into real life and I was in a forest, with Anna and her husband some 10 metres in front of me. I started following them and then when I caught up, they were at a bridge, with the same waterfall at the house I stayed in the night before and then were about to cross. However, there was some distance between them, with her husband about 3 metres in front of her on the bridge (which was 10 metres approx.). For some reason the bridge fell away, so they were separated, and he hit his head, at which I yelled 'ANNA!' and she turned around with a look of horror on her face. I jumped across to rescue him, but then I saw he was rabid, and something told me he was no longer human. In between his insane moments though, he smiled and said 'let go' and then he faded away like other people in my dream. I turned back to Anna and she had this amazing peaceful expression upon her face. For some reason, everything stared to get blurry, but this time, I was back into Anna's side, and she was hugging me (again?!) and then I couldn't see her face or anything, because it was so blurry, but she put her hand on my forehead and said 'remember'.
And that's all I can remember. It was so odd, I didn't wake up with a start, in fact I gained consciousness slowly, but I knew I was back in my bed, as if I hadn't been there before. It was so strange.
And the rest of the day, I've had this odd feeling of surreality. Very very strange.
I cant stop thinking about it and all the strange emotions it provoked. And I realised how much I missed my gym coach. I have never missed a gym coach before. I've never even had a decent relationship with a coach, But this is different. I don't even know what it is.
Anyway, when my body finally registered it was time to get up, it was freezing cold still. Sharp pains were running up my neck and everything protested when I tried to lift the duvet off, it was just too cold! As a result, I ended up feeling lethargic from lying in bed for too long.
My foot was sore for a bit this morning, just morning soreness, I dismissed it as. I was planning to go to gym, but I still had to text my friend to pick me up so I made a mental note.
Mum had baked cheese muffins for breakfast, it was nice to have something warm. I had, 2 cheese muffins (one with chocolate chips), pizza bread, grilled cheese and half a sausage. I ate a lot. I swear I eat more when I don;t go to gym, which is unhealthy because then I'll die of obesity.
Anyway, because it was Wednesday, I had a late start for school (9.20am instead of 8.40am!) so I killed time and pranced around unproductively until somehow I ended up being late and rushing around to get lunch etc.
My phone was in my pocket when I got into the car, but we were running late (my brother end up being late for kindergarten) so he made me get off at the traffic lights (ILLEGALLY!!!) As a result, I forgot to check if my phone was still there and had to go off without my phone for the rest of the day, which only made me constantly worry about if I was getting picked up by my friend at gym because I FORGOT TO TEXT HER!
I worried through period 1-5 (which is the whole day). I worried about my English assignment because no body had done anything and yet I had to do all the formatting without even getting the articles from the people in my group! To make matters worse, my awesome friend Charlotte wasn't there to accompany me and bark at me for not asking my mum if I could go to her birthday party, which made me feel guilty on my half and I almost did something dumb, but then I didn't because I still felt as if I was in dream land. P.E. was the weirdest, for some strange reason I decided to do my hair in PIGTAILS?! and we wasted time outside playing on the stair rail.
After school...I waited for my friend to see if she'd drive past the school so I could flag her down like a taxi. Unlucky me. Seems like waiting 40 minutes in the cold was in vain. I hate it when I forget my phone. As a result I had to go to the student admin to make a phone call to my mum asking her to tell my dad I wasn't going to be at gym and to see if my phone was at home. It was only supposed to cost 20cents but I only had a 50cent coin and I don't think the office lady realised the size diff and though my 50cent coin was a 20cent coin. I was too chicken to ask for change.
Anyway, so I began the long trek home. The school was so barren, it was hard to imagine that 1 hour ago it was buzzing with life. The overcast sky reverted me back into my dreamland and I must have started hallucinating at some point on the way to the bus stop because the sky was suddenly purple and I was standing back by the waterfall, and the sky turned into paua shells and then I was at St. Marks road. I was kinda shocked, and kinda not because I still felt weird.
I think it was a good idea that I didn't go to gym today.
(and I have not been taking drugs for those who think I am on hallucinates)
Anyway, the bus took it's time. I waited out there (in the cold) for 20 minutes before it arrived. the atmosphere on the 3.30 bus is always chirping with guys texting and everyone eager to get home but the 4.10 bus definitely suited my mind. It was sullen, filled with those who had stayed back at school to study, after school detention goers and those who had missed the bus before. I was just the random from E.G.G.S. wearing her hair in pigtails with a beanie over top.
Anyway, I got home in one piece, and headed home. Mum was baking again. And I wanted to get on with my homework and maybe do something productive for once, but I couldn't without my phone (which I found out was in the car). I felt so stupid.
I made some phone calls to packaging companies for my Business Studies Marketing Project and after 2 rejections, I finally snapped out of my dreamland state. My God it felt good!
After my shower I felt better.
Anyway, I'm kinda scared to go back into bed because of the weird dreams.
And I realised that I have avoided my iPod the whole day.
My mother has really engraved the Lady Gaga thing into my head. It's scaring me.
Okay. It's going to be a sleepless night.
No sleeping = No dreams
Hopefully I'm in a right state of mind tomorrow.
"I know!"
★ Weird Dreams. ★
Wednesday, August 17, 2011 ( 10:02 PM )
Today has been a day of all sorts!
First of all, I'm going to (maybe too soon) say that I am putting away the philosophical thinking for a while and heading into 'recount' blogging.
Well, I had a weird day. Lots of contributing factors.
It kinda started last night, when my mum told me not to play Lady Gaga music (I was playing Katy Perry at FULL BLAST!) 'cos apparently she is The Devil (according to some BS forward she got). I don't know and I don't believe it, it sounds like some sort of religious cult to me (from looking at the email), but I couldn't stop thinking about it. Plus, when I got into bed, it was freezing which meant it was hard to get to bed. So when I finally did, I had the weirdest dream. I rarely ever dream, but when I do, it's very bright and lucid and extravagant.
Here's what happened...I dreamt that I was in the secret service along with my partner who in real life (and in the dream) is a five year old guy with aspergers, so a crazy, fun-loving Asian kid with no boundaries. Anyway, we were told to ransack a car yard, but we ended up hijacking this really flash black BMW which seemed to have between 2-5 seats in the dream (I couldn't tell, it must not have been important). For some reason, I let the 5 year old drive, and even though we made it to the destination in one piece, I even found safety goggles in the back to stop broken glass from killing our eyes. Anyway, he drove us to this massive building, which was a warehouse type looking thing on the whole, but the one side we drove to was pastel yellow, with plaster stipple, and it had two doors in the middle. It was HUGE! With measly doors which were very out of place. We headed for the one on the right, but then the other door (which was identical) burst open and my friend Saasha and her mum told us to get inside because their door had extra security precautions. Once I got inside, I had this feeling I'd seen the place before, like in another dream maybe, it was really intense. It had lots of black stained metal, which was twisted into intricate shapes and a waterfall on the outside with moss and a mini garden, like in those Japan documentaries you see on TV. Anyway, next thing you know I was lying in bed, It felt like I was in my own bed, in my own room with a different surrounding, because I could feel all my sister in the same places. In my dream, I had a dream that my coach was on the news for saving some environmental species. It was strange, because the pictures I saw on TV would turn up later on in my dream. Suddenly, I felt cold fingernails in my neck and someone poking me in the ribs, but I also got that um smell? That someone I knew was there, and then what do you know it was my old awesome gym coach, Anna! She gave me a hug, and I hugged her back, it was a very vivid moment in the dream that she was over my bed and hugging me...at that point I could sorta feel my old gym mates were around my bed, sleeping, like it was a slumber party or something. Then Anna quickly pulled away, told me she was going trekking with her husband and walked out the door, which was identical to my room door except that it was made of the weird intricately twisted black metal, (like those decoration gates you get in Singapore). Feeling rejected, I jumped out of bed, presumably onto one of my gym friends, but once I touched them, they sort of faded out of the dream. I followed Anna through the gate and when I got out, I was in my Auntie's house in Singapore. I asked her if she'd seen my coach but she said no, so I turned around and caught sight of the TV, which was replaying the same 'enviromental' images. So I remembered that she was going trekking and then as I walked closer to the TV, the images started merging into real life and I was in a forest, with Anna and her husband some 10 metres in front of me. I started following them and then when I caught up, they were at a bridge, with the same waterfall at the house I stayed in the night before and then were about to cross. However, there was some distance between them, with her husband about 3 metres in front of her on the bridge (which was 10 metres approx.). For some reason the bridge fell away, so they were separated, and he hit his head, at which I yelled 'ANNA!' and she turned around with a look of horror on her face. I jumped across to rescue him, but then I saw he was rabid, and something told me he was no longer human. In between his insane moments though, he smiled and said 'let go' and then he faded away like other people in my dream. I turned back to Anna and she had this amazing peaceful expression upon her face. For some reason, everything stared to get blurry, but this time, I was back into Anna's side, and she was hugging me (again?!) and then I couldn't see her face or anything, because it was so blurry, but she put her hand on my forehead and said 'remember'.
And that's all I can remember. It was so odd, I didn't wake up with a start, in fact I gained consciousness slowly, but I knew I was back in my bed, as if I hadn't been there before. It was so strange.
And the rest of the day, I've had this odd feeling of surreality. Very very strange.
I cant stop thinking about it and all the strange emotions it provoked. And I realised how much I missed my gym coach. I have never missed a gym coach before. I've never even had a decent relationship with a coach, But this is different. I don't even know what it is.
Anyway, when my body finally registered it was time to get up, it was freezing cold still. Sharp pains were running up my neck and everything protested when I tried to lift the duvet off, it was just too cold! As a result, I ended up feeling lethargic from lying in bed for too long.
My foot was sore for a bit this morning, just morning soreness, I dismissed it as. I was planning to go to gym, but I still had to text my friend to pick me up so I made a mental note.
Mum had baked cheese muffins for breakfast, it was nice to have something warm. I had, 2 cheese muffins (one with chocolate chips), pizza bread, grilled cheese and half a sausage. I ate a lot. I swear I eat more when I don;t go to gym, which is unhealthy because then I'll die of obesity.
Anyway, because it was Wednesday, I had a late start for school (9.20am instead of 8.40am!) so I killed time and pranced around unproductively until somehow I ended up being late and rushing around to get lunch etc.
My phone was in my pocket when I got into the car, but we were running late (my brother end up being late for kindergarten) so he made me get off at the traffic lights (ILLEGALLY!!!) As a result, I forgot to check if my phone was still there and had to go off without my phone for the rest of the day, which only made me constantly worry about if I was getting picked up by my friend at gym because I FORGOT TO TEXT HER!
I worried through period 1-5 (which is the whole day). I worried about my English assignment because no body had done anything and yet I had to do all the formatting without even getting the articles from the people in my group! To make matters worse, my awesome friend Charlotte wasn't there to accompany me and bark at me for not asking my mum if I could go to her birthday party, which made me feel guilty on my half and I almost did something dumb, but then I didn't because I still felt as if I was in dream land. P.E. was the weirdest, for some strange reason I decided to do my hair in PIGTAILS?! and we wasted time outside playing on the stair rail.
After school...I waited for my friend to see if she'd drive past the school so I could flag her down like a taxi. Unlucky me. Seems like waiting 40 minutes in the cold was in vain. I hate it when I forget my phone. As a result I had to go to the student admin to make a phone call to my mum asking her to tell my dad I wasn't going to be at gym and to see if my phone was at home. It was only supposed to cost 20cents but I only had a 50cent coin and I don't think the office lady realised the size diff and though my 50cent coin was a 20cent coin. I was too chicken to ask for change.
Anyway, so I began the long trek home. The school was so barren, it was hard to imagine that 1 hour ago it was buzzing with life. The overcast sky reverted me back into my dreamland and I must have started hallucinating at some point on the way to the bus stop because the sky was suddenly purple and I was standing back by the waterfall, and the sky turned into paua shells and then I was at St. Marks road. I was kinda shocked, and kinda not because I still felt weird.
I think it was a good idea that I didn't go to gym today.
(and I have not been taking drugs for those who think I am on hallucinates)
Anyway, the bus took it's time. I waited out there (in the cold) for 20 minutes before it arrived. the atmosphere on the 3.30 bus is always chirping with guys texting and everyone eager to get home but the 4.10 bus definitely suited my mind. It was sullen, filled with those who had stayed back at school to study, after school detention goers and those who had missed the bus before. I was just the random from E.G.G.S. wearing her hair in pigtails with a beanie over top.
Anyway, I got home in one piece, and headed home. Mum was baking again. And I wanted to get on with my homework and maybe do something productive for once, but I couldn't without my phone (which I found out was in the car). I felt so stupid.
I made some phone calls to packaging companies for my Business Studies Marketing Project and after 2 rejections, I finally snapped out of my dreamland state. My God it felt good!
After my shower I felt better.
Anyway, I'm kinda scared to go back into bed because of the weird dreams.
And I realised that I have avoided my iPod the whole day.
My mother has really engraved the Lady Gaga thing into my head. It's scaring me.
Okay. It's going to be a sleepless night.
No sleeping = No dreams
Hopefully I'm in a right state of mind tomorrow.
We all have times where we say stuff we didn't really mean
I just have more of these times than the average person!
I just have more of these times than the average person!
★ tagboard ★
i think they call it freedom of speech
If I dwelled on the fact weirdness was a bad thing
I'd probably be dead by now.
Eeiyn Natasha's Fantabulous Blog
My Miniscule Book Blog
Nicole's Spectacular Blog
Maxine's Magnificent Blog
Sapphire's Snaffalicious Blog
Sarah's So Awesome Blog
December 2010
April 2011
May 2011
June 2011
July 2011
August 2011
September 2011
October 2011
November 2011
December 2011
January 2012
March 2012
designer DancingSheep
I'd probably be dead by now.
★ links ★
ctrl + left click
Eeiyn Natasha's Fantabulous Blog
My Miniscule Book Blog
Nicole's Spectacular Blog
Maxine's Magnificent Blog
Sapphire's Snaffalicious Blog
Sarah's So Awesome Blog
★ archives ★
watch me waste my life away
December 2010
April 2011
May 2011
June 2011
July 2011
August 2011
September 2011
October 2011
November 2011
December 2011
January 2012
March 2012
★ credits ★
designer DancingSheep
My life's goal
Is to be spontaneous because that's the way I roll
★ SAPPHIRE! ★
★ KENDALL! ★
★ MAXINE! ★
★ DANIELLE! ★
★ CHARLOTTE! ★
★ CAITLIN! ★
★ LAUREN! ★
★ ERIN! ★
★ EEIYN! ★
★ NICOLE! ★
Is to be spontaneous because that's the way I roll
★ SHOUTOUTS ★
even if I don't say ♥ that often
★ SAPPHIRE! ★
★ KENDALL! ★
★ MAXINE! ★
★ DANIELLE! ★
★ CHARLOTTE! ★
★ CAITLIN! ★
★ LAUREN! ★
★ ERIN! ★
★ EEIYN! ★
★ NICOLE! ★