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Ever wondered what goes on in her mind?
My name is Alethea.
I am 14 years old
I have this delusional thing that my name is the best name in the world, but that's just my subconciousness trying to grasp some part of myself that is not self loathing.
I have almost non existent self esteem. Even though I play 3 instruments (well, lets just leave it at 3) and I am supposedly I am a gymnast (I think I am too fail to be under that title), I'm under the impression I am bad at everything. (Which I am!)
I have a very obsessive nature. I am also quite unpredictable and unreliable and I'm scared of being social.
On of my special talents is yodelling.
That's how weird I am of course.
I like talking using words with more that 3 syllables to make it sound as if I am speaking a language other than English, even though that's the only language I speak. I'm a disgrace to Asians apparently because I cannot speak the language in which my complexion screams out otherwise.
I am obsessed with big words and psychological disorders and paradoxes of all kinds.
I have survived through a 7.1 magnitude earthquake and numerous aftershocks, and been to 7 different schools in my life. (And 5 gym clubs and I don't even want to start counting the teachers.)
I fear I am a pessimist.
Sometimes I am a grammar freak too.
This blog is to help other understand what goes on in my head.
Good luck with that!
★ profile★
ramblings of a teenage girl
My name is Alethea.
I am 14 years old
I have this delusional thing that my name is the best name in the world, but that's just my subconciousness trying to grasp some part of myself that is not self loathing.
I have almost non existent self esteem. Even though I play 3 instruments (well, lets just leave it at 3) and I am supposedly I am a gymnast (I think I am too fail to be under that title), I'm under the impression I am bad at everything. (Which I am!)
I have a very obsessive nature. I am also quite unpredictable and unreliable and I'm scared of being social.
On of my special talents is yodelling.
That's how weird I am of course.
I like talking using words with more that 3 syllables to make it sound as if I am speaking a language other than English, even though that's the only language I speak. I'm a disgrace to Asians apparently because I cannot speak the language in which my complexion screams out otherwise.
I am obsessed with big words and psychological disorders and paradoxes of all kinds.
I have survived through a 7.1 magnitude earthquake and numerous aftershocks, and been to 7 different schools in my life. (And 5 gym clubs and I don't even want to start counting the teachers.)
I fear I am a pessimist.
Sometimes I am a grammar freak too.
This blog is to help other understand what goes on in my head.
Good luck with that!
"You're crazy!"
"I know!"
I wanna shoot somebody!!!
The above was written in a true moment of utter frustration.
I am in several minds right now (mostly angry, and angry and partially elated so this is going to be an odd post).
-First, I'm angry, at myself. Now this is quite common, but today was an exceptional circumstance and if you SAW ME NEVER SPEAK OF IT AGAIN!!! Today was possibly the worse day ever for a mental breakdown. Fuck that shit.
-Second I am angry at myself, because I should have never opened my mouth! And as a result no one freaking takes me seriously! Why? WHY?!?!?!? I swear, tomorrow, if anybody laughs while I am speaking, I will slap them (IF THEY ARE LUCKY! Or else I'll be going for your smug little nose).
-I'm doing this random business program/project, and I love the program, I think it's totally neat and the guy running it does a great job. However, we were put into groups by being numbered off, and as much as I know that this is going to happen in real life, I HATE IT.
Here is some advise to you all...
-To our 'leader', who is doing an abslutely rubbish job at 'leading', if you turn your nose up at one one more time you will be the first one with a bloody nose. Listen to me you bitch! If you wanna be a bitch, just do it on the outside and stop pretending you're a sweet little girl, put it on the outside and get over yourself woman.
-To the appointed CEO, fuck you. Really, just fuck off man. Since you're such a simple minded shitface, I suggest you google Kit Kat flavoured icecream, and see for yourself that your fucked up realm of unicorns and fairydust doesn't exist. GO ahead, market something completely unoriginal, claim my ideas as your own, I don't care. Oh, and Google 'Ben and Jerry's'. I'm sure you'll find something EXACTLY LIKE YOU'RE TRYING TO MARKET YOU ASSHOLE!
-To the girl who wanted to make togs for dogs, I salute your retardedness, you really make me question whether I should be questioning my own sanity.
-To Michelle, I thank you for helping me retain that little bit of sanity that is left.
-And the remaining two girls left, Fuck you. fuck you all. Go and die in a fire or something.
I know you're all bitchy 'cos you're bitches, but SERIOUSLY?!
I shouldn't be posting this here, but since you won't listen to me, I'll get everybody else on the internet to.
Don't worry, I won't speak.
And then you won't need to listen.
I don't know whether I should pull out, and go back to normal classes and get yelled at in every other subject, or sit myself in this situation which I am utterly uncomfotable with and deal with it. I'm so weak. Why can't I just toughen up and deal with it? Why?
This entire experience is just going to remind me how much I despise working with other people.
You know why I move around so much? It's to get away from these people who already know too much. And I wanted to come to EGGS, and I wanted to come to Auckland to do gym, finish it, to get away from the people who knew. Did I make the wrong choice?
Goddamnit I did.
Is it true that to move forward, you must first step back? Or am I just regressing for no apparent reason?
I don't want to go back. I don't want to ever look back.
Don't make me, because then you'll be the one person who gets assaulted every year.
Oh, and I didn't get to go to gym again.
On the bright side...okay there is no bright side.
I get to go to Kung Fu !
I CAN KILL PEOPLE!!!
This is going to be fun.
"I know!"
★ Don't read this if you don't like swearing. ★
Tuesday, September 20, 2011 ( 7:27 PM )
I wanna shoot somebody!!!
The above was written in a true moment of utter frustration.
I am in several minds right now (mostly angry, and angry and partially elated so this is going to be an odd post).
-First, I'm angry, at myself. Now this is quite common, but today was an exceptional circumstance and if you SAW ME NEVER SPEAK OF IT AGAIN!!! Today was possibly the worse day ever for a mental breakdown. Fuck that shit.
-Second I am angry at myself, because I should have never opened my mouth! And as a result no one freaking takes me seriously! Why? WHY?!?!?!? I swear, tomorrow, if anybody laughs while I am speaking, I will slap them (IF THEY ARE LUCKY! Or else I'll be going for your smug little nose).
-I'm doing this random business program/project, and I love the program, I think it's totally neat and the guy running it does a great job. However, we were put into groups by being numbered off, and as much as I know that this is going to happen in real life, I HATE IT.
Here is some advise to you all...
-To our 'leader', who is doing an abslutely rubbish job at 'leading', if you turn your nose up at one one more time you will be the first one with a bloody nose. Listen to me you bitch! If you wanna be a bitch, just do it on the outside and stop pretending you're a sweet little girl, put it on the outside and get over yourself woman.
-To the appointed CEO, fuck you. Really, just fuck off man. Since you're such a simple minded shitface, I suggest you google Kit Kat flavoured icecream, and see for yourself that your fucked up realm of unicorns and fairydust doesn't exist. GO ahead, market something completely unoriginal, claim my ideas as your own, I don't care. Oh, and Google 'Ben and Jerry's'. I'm sure you'll find something EXACTLY LIKE YOU'RE TRYING TO MARKET YOU ASSHOLE!
-To the girl who wanted to make togs for dogs, I salute your retardedness, you really make me question whether I should be questioning my own sanity.
-To Michelle, I thank you for helping me retain that little bit of sanity that is left.
-And the remaining two girls left, Fuck you. fuck you all. Go and die in a fire or something.
I know you're all bitchy 'cos you're bitches, but SERIOUSLY?!
I shouldn't be posting this here, but since you won't listen to me, I'll get everybody else on the internet to.
Don't worry, I won't speak.
And then you won't need to listen.
I don't know whether I should pull out, and go back to normal classes and get yelled at in every other subject, or sit myself in this situation which I am utterly uncomfotable with and deal with it. I'm so weak. Why can't I just toughen up and deal with it? Why?
This entire experience is just going to remind me how much I despise working with other people.
You know why I move around so much? It's to get away from these people who already know too much. And I wanted to come to EGGS, and I wanted to come to Auckland to do gym, finish it, to get away from the people who knew. Did I make the wrong choice?
Goddamnit I did.
Is it true that to move forward, you must first step back? Or am I just regressing for no apparent reason?
I don't want to go back. I don't want to ever look back.
Don't make me, because then you'll be the one person who gets assaulted every year.
Oh, and I didn't get to go to gym again.
On the bright side...okay there is no bright side.
I get to go to Kung Fu !
I CAN KILL PEOPLE!!!
This is going to be fun.
We all have times where we say stuff we didn't really mean
I just have more of these times than the average person!
I just have more of these times than the average person!
★ tagboard ★
i think they call it freedom of speech
If I dwelled on the fact weirdness was a bad thing
I'd probably be dead by now.
Eeiyn Natasha's Fantabulous Blog
My Miniscule Book Blog
Nicole's Spectacular Blog
Maxine's Magnificent Blog
Sapphire's Snaffalicious Blog
Sarah's So Awesome Blog
December 2010
April 2011
May 2011
June 2011
July 2011
August 2011
September 2011
October 2011
November 2011
December 2011
January 2012
March 2012
designer DancingSheep
I'd probably be dead by now.
★ links ★
ctrl + left click
Eeiyn Natasha's Fantabulous Blog
My Miniscule Book Blog
Nicole's Spectacular Blog
Maxine's Magnificent Blog
Sapphire's Snaffalicious Blog
Sarah's So Awesome Blog
★ archives ★
watch me waste my life away
December 2010
April 2011
May 2011
June 2011
July 2011
August 2011
September 2011
October 2011
November 2011
December 2011
January 2012
March 2012
★ credits ★
designer DancingSheep
My life's goal
Is to be spontaneous because that's the way I roll
★ SAPPHIRE! ★
★ KENDALL! ★
★ MAXINE! ★
★ DANIELLE! ★
★ CHARLOTTE! ★
★ CAITLIN! ★
★ LAUREN! ★
★ ERIN! ★
★ EEIYN! ★
★ NICOLE! ★
Is to be spontaneous because that's the way I roll
★ SHOUTOUTS ★
even if I don't say ♥ that often
★ SAPPHIRE! ★
★ KENDALL! ★
★ MAXINE! ★
★ DANIELLE! ★
★ CHARLOTTE! ★
★ CAITLIN! ★
★ LAUREN! ★
★ ERIN! ★
★ EEIYN! ★
★ NICOLE! ★