Halfway

c r a Z Y

"You're crazy!"
"I know!"

★ Peer throught the perilous window...of my mind!!! ★

Wednesday, September 14, 2011 ( 5:03 PM )

Sometimes I wish that people could just tap into my mind and see all the random shit going on in there that makes me insane. Then I wouldn't have to go to such great depths to get people to understand me. But then I really shouldn't bother because no one ever will. If it was that easy, there would be no need for any body to express themselves. We'd become a dead race, there wouldn't be arts anymore, no music, no writing, no nothing.
Just the spur of pictures and sounds and voices that go on in people's heads.
Well, in my head anyway.

And should you ever get to see what went on in my head, you'd probably die.
And then I wouldn't be able to hide anything anymore.
I think even if people could see what was going on in my head, they'd probably just spontaneously combust from a sensory overload. Too much inforamtion going in at once which would cause them to explode. Or implode. Either or, still produces an interesting result.

I really am bored you know.

Today was the day I was supposed to originally be allowed to do something!
Exercise!
Kill Myself!
Gym!
But of course, I'm not allowed.
Well, screw that. I ran. And it. Was. Awesome.
Pain is nothing.
But there's more to that.
Why do people care now? When nothing matters? The past is the past and you can't remedy that, and nothing can be done. It's over. And my foot is screwed up like, permanently but how will this help?

I think it's the darkness that really keeps me going. But I'm not motivated to go forwards because I hate the unknown, but I too am scared as hell to run away from the past, and the conflicting forces keep me at a stand still. It's like, what happens when an invincible force meets an non-movable object? Which will give? Well, right now it's fear of the unknown, pushing me bac towards the haunting thoughts. The thoughts that actually exist, because they've already happened, not the future, that could go so many bad ways. Dwelling on the past is most unproductive. But I'm a good time waster anyway so who gives a shit?

I'm not sure, what I am supposed to be feeling right now. I got adrenaline going today. In a rebellious manner. And it would probably not be a smart idea to put it here. But I like it. I don't care about reputations, or egos, or expectations, because I'm avoiding all those. If people expect nothing of me, I can give them that! I can even exceed their expectations the other way! Give them negatives!

People expect, that when you know all the facts and the figures and the statistics and all, it shows you how bad doing something is. It shows you making bad desicions can end up with you having your life on the line. I don't think they realise we don't exactly care. I don't. I couldn't care less. Not right now.

3 red lines.
they're glaring at me