Halfway

c r a Z Y

"You're crazy!"
"I know!"

★ When Numbers Dance ★

Tuesday, September 6, 2011 ( 9:17 AM )

I'm supposed to be a number oriented person, but as much as I enjoy getting an achievable straight answer from mathematics or science, it always strikes me how difficult I find it to concentrate in these subjects. Sometimes, I'm just tired, that's understandable, but other times, I'm not sure whether it's boredom that gets the blame or just a lack of self motivation. In Year 6, I had a fantastic maths teacher who was always willing to push her able students to think outside the box, she related things to real life, she gave maths a purpose. Some of the kids in our class thought she was a bitch (as I did too at first) but she really knew what she was doing. I guess the her sense of authority mixed and mingled with her sly (and sarcastic) ways of fun was an aquired taste, but it worked and almost every able minded child walked ot of her class smiling.
Boredom, seems to be the culprit at the moment for my lack of focus, but at the same time, I see no reason to try, or at least I'm too lazy to bother thinking outside the box once again. The past attitude of some of my old classmates like 'how are we ever going to use this in real life?' has rubbed off onto myself. I wish I was still with them, living those days. Now, I spend class time more daydreaming or reading with the book under my desk then doing actual work. I've become a wreck. And where do wrecks end up? In the junkyard. And there in the dumps the numbers will dance no longer, but I'll be trapped by my own misery.
Physics, rules and numbers. That's the backing for the way I think, except my weird way of thinking over-rides that. Arts bring me are questions, and that's when I get fed up with myself, or they bring calm because that's how I tell people. I use words, or music, or both. Even so, if I understand the physics of a skill, I'll do it, I can't just have the feeling, I have to know how it works. If I understand the concepts of a test, I'll feel no fear. This is the way I keep myself in line. But I'm not going to become an engineer or anything like that, my logic is barely logical at all when it enters reality. It just falls apart. And so how does that work? How can I rely on numbers when I'm so inaccurate? It's like trying to hold hands with something that doesn't even have hands. I can't catch the concepts anymore. What's happening to me? Where is the war?

SO CONFUSING!
omg omg omg
brain cells dying...