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Ever wondered what goes on in her mind?
My name is Alethea.
I am 14 years old
I have this delusional thing that my name is the best name in the world, but that's just my subconciousness trying to grasp some part of myself that is not self loathing.
I have almost non existent self esteem. Even though I play 3 instruments (well, lets just leave it at 3) and I am supposedly I am a gymnast (I think I am too fail to be under that title), I'm under the impression I am bad at everything. (Which I am!)
I have a very obsessive nature. I am also quite unpredictable and unreliable and I'm scared of being social.
On of my special talents is yodelling.
That's how weird I am of course.
I like talking using words with more that 3 syllables to make it sound as if I am speaking a language other than English, even though that's the only language I speak. I'm a disgrace to Asians apparently because I cannot speak the language in which my complexion screams out otherwise.
I am obsessed with big words and psychological disorders and paradoxes of all kinds.
I have survived through a 7.1 magnitude earthquake and numerous aftershocks, and been to 7 different schools in my life. (And 5 gym clubs and I don't even want to start counting the teachers.)
I fear I am a pessimist.
Sometimes I am a grammar freak too.
This blog is to help other understand what goes on in my head.
Good luck with that!
★ profile★
ramblings of a teenage girl
My name is Alethea.
I am 14 years old
I have this delusional thing that my name is the best name in the world, but that's just my subconciousness trying to grasp some part of myself that is not self loathing.
I have almost non existent self esteem. Even though I play 3 instruments (well, lets just leave it at 3) and I am supposedly I am a gymnast (I think I am too fail to be under that title), I'm under the impression I am bad at everything. (Which I am!)
I have a very obsessive nature. I am also quite unpredictable and unreliable and I'm scared of being social.
On of my special talents is yodelling.
That's how weird I am of course.
I like talking using words with more that 3 syllables to make it sound as if I am speaking a language other than English, even though that's the only language I speak. I'm a disgrace to Asians apparently because I cannot speak the language in which my complexion screams out otherwise.
I am obsessed with big words and psychological disorders and paradoxes of all kinds.
I have survived through a 7.1 magnitude earthquake and numerous aftershocks, and been to 7 different schools in my life. (And 5 gym clubs and I don't even want to start counting the teachers.)
I fear I am a pessimist.
Sometimes I am a grammar freak too.
This blog is to help other understand what goes on in my head.
Good luck with that!
"You're crazy!"
"I know!"
I am here to talk about how 'You're just muscly' is not a suitable excuse to convince me I am not fat. For the record, those 'muscles' don't even work. I'm weak as a dead whale. I know I am disgusting and fat and stupid and retarded and ghastly and foul and repulsive and despicable and beastly and horrifying and gluttonous and horrendous and revolting and gruesome and vile and inconsiderate and uncompassionate and just generally fucked up in every way possible.
I'M SICK OF HEARING THE "You"re just muscly" RESPONSE!!!
BECAUSE IT'S NOT FUCKING TRUE!
I DON'T WANNA BE MUSCLY!
And no amount of the useless cajolling is going to sway my possessed mind from knowing I am disgustingly huge.
If I ever had to be rescued, from a burning building and the like, it would be guilt on the rescuer's part because they would be unable to lift me. I'd probably just die there anyway.
I ponder sometimes, how many other ways I can destroy myself. Because it's just not worth it. I wish I had a purpose. I wish I wasn't always hopelessly lost. I wish I could take the mixed signals and get them to point me in a direction that exists.
Cut and Burn and Starve.
Reject and Shout and Cry.
Someone told me the other day that I was closer to perfect than most people. She was under the impression that I was perfect. Or almost there. And for some strange reason, I didn't retort. I wondered how much I could pull off. I wondered how much I could hide. And that same day my gym coach told me she thought she knew when I was lying. I didn't say anything to that either.
I wish I could hold my hand to my heart and feel what kept me alive rather than what I wish would stop. I have no purpose in life. I don't make income. I don't plan to reproduce. I have not changed the world or revolutionised anything. I have not made people's lives better. I have made their lives worse. I have brought upon them the curse, of remembering.
Maybe it is not a curse. I don't really care.
BUT YOU HAVE TO REMEMBER
I don't give a shit about being muscly.
"I know!"
★ "It's just muscle" ★
Monday, October 10, 2011 ( 7:18 PM )
I am here to talk about how 'You're just muscly' is not a suitable excuse to convince me I am not fat. For the record, those 'muscles' don't even work. I'm weak as a dead whale. I know I am disgusting and fat and stupid and retarded and ghastly and foul and repulsive and despicable and beastly and horrifying and gluttonous and horrendous and revolting and gruesome and vile and inconsiderate and uncompassionate and just generally fucked up in every way possible.
I'M SICK OF HEARING THE "You"re just muscly" RESPONSE!!!
BECAUSE IT'S NOT FUCKING TRUE!
I DON'T WANNA BE MUSCLY!
And no amount of the useless cajolling is going to sway my possessed mind from knowing I am disgustingly huge.
If I ever had to be rescued, from a burning building and the like, it would be guilt on the rescuer's part because they would be unable to lift me. I'd probably just die there anyway.
I ponder sometimes, how many other ways I can destroy myself. Because it's just not worth it. I wish I had a purpose. I wish I wasn't always hopelessly lost. I wish I could take the mixed signals and get them to point me in a direction that exists.
Cut and Burn and Starve.
Reject and Shout and Cry.
Someone told me the other day that I was closer to perfect than most people. She was under the impression that I was perfect. Or almost there. And for some strange reason, I didn't retort. I wondered how much I could pull off. I wondered how much I could hide. And that same day my gym coach told me she thought she knew when I was lying. I didn't say anything to that either.
I wish I could hold my hand to my heart and feel what kept me alive rather than what I wish would stop. I have no purpose in life. I don't make income. I don't plan to reproduce. I have not changed the world or revolutionised anything. I have not made people's lives better. I have made their lives worse. I have brought upon them the curse, of remembering.
Maybe it is not a curse. I don't really care.
BUT YOU HAVE TO REMEMBER
I don't give a shit about being muscly.
We all have times where we say stuff we didn't really mean
I just have more of these times than the average person!
I just have more of these times than the average person!
★ tagboard ★
i think they call it freedom of speech
If I dwelled on the fact weirdness was a bad thing
I'd probably be dead by now.
Eeiyn Natasha's Fantabulous Blog
My Miniscule Book Blog
Nicole's Spectacular Blog
Maxine's Magnificent Blog
Sapphire's Snaffalicious Blog
Sarah's So Awesome Blog
December 2010
April 2011
May 2011
June 2011
July 2011
August 2011
September 2011
October 2011
November 2011
December 2011
January 2012
March 2012
designer DancingSheep
I'd probably be dead by now.
★ links ★
ctrl + left click
Eeiyn Natasha's Fantabulous Blog
My Miniscule Book Blog
Nicole's Spectacular Blog
Maxine's Magnificent Blog
Sapphire's Snaffalicious Blog
Sarah's So Awesome Blog
★ archives ★
watch me waste my life away
December 2010
April 2011
May 2011
June 2011
July 2011
August 2011
September 2011
October 2011
November 2011
December 2011
January 2012
March 2012
★ credits ★
designer DancingSheep
My life's goal
Is to be spontaneous because that's the way I roll
★ SAPPHIRE! ★
★ KENDALL! ★
★ MAXINE! ★
★ DANIELLE! ★
★ CHARLOTTE! ★
★ CAITLIN! ★
★ LAUREN! ★
★ ERIN! ★
★ EEIYN! ★
★ NICOLE! ★
Is to be spontaneous because that's the way I roll
★ SHOUTOUTS ★
even if I don't say ♥ that often
★ SAPPHIRE! ★
★ KENDALL! ★
★ MAXINE! ★
★ DANIELLE! ★
★ CHARLOTTE! ★
★ CAITLIN! ★
★ LAUREN! ★
★ ERIN! ★
★ EEIYN! ★
★ NICOLE! ★